Oliver the Cat

This is my Facebook status from Saturday Morning, Sept 1, 2012.  I put his on my blog so Lisa Baker, my hot momma friend could share it...

Oliver is our new cat. He saw me at the animal shelter on "Yappy Hour" a few months ago, and started bumping the glass. I said... "Ohhhh Ronny, he's talking to me! He's the ONLY ONE bumping the glass... He is the ONE!" So, Ronny being Ronny, he said: "Then he's yours"....
Now, you must understand that I have NEVER EVER had a cat or a dog that didn't like me. Apparently Oliver could smell my daughter on me. Because he hates my guts and LOVESSSSSSSSSSSSS Ellen Kathleen Banks. (Loves her in that weird "he's fixed however he pee'd on my damn kitchen counter while looking at Ellen because she had a boy sitting on the couch with her, and it wasn't him" kinda way...)
Anyway, Once again this morning, I tried my Grandma Amy's tried and true fix for all cats, that she and I called "Cat Language". That's where you talk in this really high pitched voice, and the cats just come at you like your the Pied Piper. 
Oliver twitched his tail, wrapped it around his paws, and looked at me like... "Bitch please..."
Damn cat...