Ugggghhhhh

Dear Bloggie,
  This is a sluggish kind of morning.  Most mornings my  brain is going so fast that I wind up meeting myself in a turn, but once in a while, my mind is like walking though thick knee deep mud.  I need an espresso IV.  The really sad thing is, when I least expect it, I will jump into high gear, and scare the crap outta myself! 
  So, I'm going to drink a pot or two of coffee, and try to jump start this day.  This may seem like a waste of web space, but I just needed to document that there are days when my brain is in under drive! LOL
  Until I'm more with it...
  MB

4 Days of Procrastination

Dearest Darling Bloggie,
  I know I swore on the DSL Gods that I would not forsake you and keep up with blogging, but this time, I actually have a real honest to God excuse!  (not the kind I make up in a pinch so I don't look TOO irresponsible...)
  I set a goal  to do some serious organizing with our finances this past weekend. (Our weekends are usually Tuesday and Wed) I happened to be off Sunday and Monday too!  Let me tell you the HIGHS and lows of the goals I set.
  I planned to organize my bills and get my checkbook in order like NORMAL people do, instead of flying by the seat of my pants. 
  As I was gathering my paperwork together, I remembered that I needed to go though all this paperwork in my filing cabinet and organize it into  a file box, and just throw away things I did not need.  I needed to be able to go straight to the box and find the car title, or the insurance information.
  So, I started there.  I shredded an entire lawn bag full of paper work. (Well Ellen Sue did. I organized every scrap of paper I had.  Emptied the filing cabinet, and had the kids put it in the van so I could give it to a lady at work.
  I did succeed in putting bills and coupons together... just not writing them down.
  As I was taking a break and knitting... I was thinking about how good it felt to do that.  To really, truly organize!  So... that  led to the following: 
  1. Organizing my desk, and pulling out the cabinet and cleaning behind it, and knocking off my modem and tearing it up, thus causing me to be without internet for 1 1/2 days, in which time I decided it would suck if I had to blog from my iPhone..
  2.  That led to me saying.. ohhh all that craft stuff..  I went though container after container of craft things that I had bought over the years.  I had duplicates and triplicates of so many things because of disorganization.  I separated everything, and threw away things I was holding on to that I would "do" one day even though I would never get around to it.. I fixed 2 boxes FULL of crafts that I have no intention of ever doing anything with, and listed them on Craigslist.  One has already sold!  *hayyyyyyyyyyyy!*
  3.  THAT led to me moving an antique chifferobe into my living room to store all my yarn, needles, crafting supplies that I plan to keep.
  4. THEN I realized that I needed something new to eat on my Weight Watchers.  So I decided to make AND give away some Pumpkin Butter. 
 Notice not one time do I mention organizing my bills.  I am half way miffed at myself for  not getting it done, but I am STOKED over the fact that I organized so much stuff and now have it in one spot!  That is a miracle in itself! 
  Now, I have to go Bloggie, because I have to get ready for work, and I have been procrastinating doing that by sitting here and playing on the computer for hours.  *eye roll*
  Until later...
  MB

 

Blogs from My Old Blog "It's B's Life"

I had started another blog at one point that I did not follow though on.. (Imagine that!) and I decided to take the 2 postings that I loved the most and share  here.  I hope you enjoy! IN THE RUINS OF MY HISTORY  Tonight I stood in the ruins of my grandfathers shop. He had built this building himself from the ground up. It was a mysterious place, that had a MASTER lock on both doors, the small door to walk though, the the extra wide door that he parked Betsy in. Betsy was his riding lawn mower. Lord, you did NOT go in there and expect to mess with anything! It was clean, orderly, and according to him, extremely dangerous!!!! After all, he had hammers, saws, hoes, poison that he would mix up to dip the dogs in, his tiller, you name it, and us kids...would be half dead if we dared go in there and touched a thing! He tried to tell us it was because he had all that "dangerous stuff" in there, but we knew we would be half dead because he would beat us within an inch of our lives! My Paw Paw (as we called him) passed away in 1983. His shop stood as a proud reminder of how he kept things. My Nannie kept his things in place, and would have no one get to far away from her with those keys to the MASTER lock. We lost my Nannie in 1988, and not long after my parents moved into their house. My Paw Paws shop then became my daddy's shop. Now, my daddy was a good man, but orderly he was not. He probably had all his lures lined up according to size, but that shop... that was another story. He had stuff EVERYWHERE! But....that was how daddy did it. He knew where everything was! I lost my daddy in 2000. He dropped dead at work just 2 months shy of retiring. Since 2000. no one has really used the shop for anything. His fishing things long gone, and the lawn mower long since stopped running, it just existed there, holding all kinds of left over things from my dad and my Paw Paws tenure as owners of the shop. I knew the shop was in bad shape, I knew that the ceiling had a leak, and one side was sorta rotted out... and to be honest, I knew it should probably be torn down, but I haven't been ready to face it. I had to go up there tonight and get some things out of there. It wont be long now until it will be pushed over and all hauled away. I looked at how the ceiling didn't only have a leak, half of it was missing.. The entire back half had begun to collapse onto itself.. Everything in it was dirty, dusty, and covered in leafs. I got the stuff I needed, and then try as I might, the one thing I wanted more than anything else I couldn't find. I stood still and took in deep breaths...but it was gone. The scent of the shop had gone by the way of the holes from top to bottom. That scent said my Paw Paw had worked hard in his garden, or my daddy had just come back from fishing. The scent that I could step out there and breathe in, and close my eyes and just know they were standing beside me.. it was there no longer... All there was left was the ruin of what was. No order, no fishing gear, no shop smell.. just dirt and damp. Another chapter closed in my memories of what once was. --MB

1 c

THE DEFINITION OF FAITH

Tonight on Facebook, I asked again about any information on Jamie Bowden, who is fighting for his life against cancer. (I had posted the same thing earlier this morning but wanted to put it back up top of the news feed.) I had not heard anything new, but I got an instant message from a very wonderful lady asking who Jamie was and what was wrong with him. I explained who he was, and what I knew about his condition, which isn't much, and I asked her to just keep him in her prayers. She told me that she would, and that she would have her boys pray, that they were prayer warriors. Suddenly I had an epiphany. Just as she typed those words out to me, I could see her children as little angels, before they were born.... You see... According to Dictionary.com, Faith is the following: Faith- (Noun) [feyth] confidence or trust in a person or thing; belief that is not based on proof; belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion; belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc; the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.. OK, there's more, but you get the picture. Faith. I can not tell you how many times faith has brought me though.. My faith in God, my faith in myself, my faith in my family... Maybe its the odd way my brain works, I don't really know, but I tend to rationalize things to make myself feel better about them. Especially when there is no reason at all to explain away what has happened, or what is about to happen, or what might happen. You see, no matter what you believe in...be it Christianity, Buddhism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism, Judaism, or maybe you are the Starbucksism with a pack of Cigaretteism and think that this world and this life is all you have and that's that-ism.... Regardless... I bet you have faith. In some shape form or fashion. When she told me that her boys were prayer warriors, I knew just what she meant. And all I could think of was to only once again have the blind faith of a child... and why is it that children have such blind faith? And my epiphany was this.... And this my friends, is MY epiphany, you don't have to agree with it, but its how I do look at things..... Before those boys were born, they were some of Gods Angels...They were born with blind faith in God. Their parents have raised them in church, with prayer, love, teaching and guidance... And everyday those boys have "blind faith" that is becoming "Seeing faith!" It is because they have never known anything other than God that they have pure faith in Him, and therefore, they have seen their prayers answered because they have prayed the way God has told all of us to pray, (Mark 11:24; (NIV) Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.) Faith. What a wonderful thing. No matter who or what you believe in, if you have no faith... well I just cannot imagine... what a cold and sad thing to even try to imagine. I fear that Jamie's chapter in this world is about to come to an end. I hardly know Jamie, but I did go to school with his sweet sister Shari, and a lot of his friends... Tonight, like last night and tomorrow and beyond, I have the faith that MY GOD is a caring and loving God. In my faith....I believe that even though we are seeing Jamie suffer, that Jamie is not truly suffering because his angel has taken over. The pain we see, will never be remembered by Jamie. He will soar with the Eagles and the Angels! That is my faith, blind and all seeing! To have that to hold on to, keeps me grounded, and gives me the strength to get up in the morning. "Go rest high upon that mountain, son your work on Earth is done, go to Heaven a shoutin'. love for The Father, and The Son". --Vince Gill

Good Morning Monday!

Dear Bloggie,
  Like most days, I find myself excited to be alive and churning with ideas for the day, the month, the rest of my life!  The coffee is really good today, and I am planning to make a list of things to do.  Hmmm, perhaps I should make a list of things I need to make a list of so I don't forget to make a to-do list.  Oh well, on with my story...
  I must admit that I have had some "light" dawning on the darkness moments lately.  There are very few times that what pops into my mind is not known to everyone in hearing distance.  (Or seeing distance being that I am told I do NOT have a poker face!)  But thankfully, somehow, I have managed to hide SOME of the excitement when I "get it"!  You know, I finally understand why something or someone is the way they are?? Or why I do something, or don't do something and how to fix it, etc...  Anyway, its an exciting thing to have happen to me. At times I am afraid to share with anyone what has just "dawned" on me for fear that they will look at me and say "Well, DUH!"  Yet, I am also afraid NOT to share because I want the world to know that I am not habitually sluggish, I am actually mentally overwhelmed!
  One major thing that happened yesterday is that my Sweet Baboo (from here on out known as SB) and I were watching CBS's "Sunday Morning" and there was a story on about Luma Mufleh and how a wrong turn changed her life. It didn't just change her life, it changed the life for so many war torn children that have become refugees in our country. 
Both me and the SB were in tears as we watched all Luma had/has accomplished. This is a direct link to the Fugees site! (it's so worth your time)   A soccer game, turned into a school -- a way of life.  As we were watching SB said "Look at these kids, and look at our bucket headed  kids" He shook his head in a "where have we gone wrong" type of way.  *sound of light dawning on MB's mind*  Luma had just said in the interview, "I must lead by example.."  I looked at my SB and told him that we should be ashamed of ourselves.  How can our kids pick up their stuff if we don't.  How can our kids follow though if we don't.  We lead by example.  And we have not been leading anything or anyone.  I can blame it on others, or other things, but it is up to me to gain some control over this runaway mind.  (Apple DOES make an App for that!) It's up to me to get into a routine.. Me.  (taking a good look at yourself sucks sometimes)
  As of late, I have been making little changes here and there.  I have noticed that the people around me are following suit.  At work I have been dressing like a girl.  Now you may think thats crazy since I AM a girl, but I am just not foofooey like that.  If I dressed and looked like what most people think I should since I cut hair the way I do, I would be uber hot!   But, truth be known, I just am not foofooey.  (Now I may look like I just crawled outta bed when you see me, but I bet you anything my lips are slathered with some bright color!)  Anyway, I noticed some of the ladies I work with, starting to do little different things.  I am in no way saying I am a trend setter, but I think when they saw me try something new that was very forgien  to me, and I was actually COMFORTABLE with it, (imagine that!) they seemed to want to try something new too.
  I also noticed that the more I do at home, the more my family does.  WithOUT me asking.
  It is my wish that I wake up one day, and be a combo of June Cleaver, Martha Stewart and "Roseann Conner", but with my really cool silver streaks!
  Have a great day Bloggie.  I would promise to talk tomorrow, but something might float by my eye and distract me... so until we talk again.....
  MB