Me painting my door red!
My door finished with my "Somebody" daughter Ellen!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
My Journey of Forgiveness
Dear Bloggie,
Of course I have been doing the dance of change, change, change... like always. Working, changing, knitting, changing, eating, changing... I am in a constant state of "change". But things seldom do..
Since April, there have been a LOT of changes happening around me. I have been slowly changing without trying to focus on the actual ACT of changing.
OK, I know I have probably lost you already, so let me explain myself to you...
I was at my brothers house celebrating my mothers birthday. We were out on his deck, and behind his house is woods. Most people if asked, would say that what they see when they look out, is trees. (Because he has A LOT of them.) I myself don't see trees. Well, I do, but that's not all. I see the wind moving the branches, I see the grass, I see the fence, I see birds, and their horses - well you get the picture. I have a hard time looking and picking one thing that I see. That's how my brain works. Sometimes its one of the most magical things... seeing colors, and getting excited about the smallest thing God has created. Other times it is exhausting. Wearing and tearing my mind down. I want to scream "Can I not just have one day when I can choose the first thing that comes to mind and STICK WITH THAT for more than 3 seconds??????"
So, there actually HAVE been some changes going on in my life. Some I am doing, and some have happened upon me. One thing, is that I have been on a journey of self discovery.
That has taken me to forgiving people/things/circumstances and myself, and finally being freed of so much of the pain that has been inside of me for so long. Its amazing how if you take the time to break things down to the basics, how you see things differently. I guess the biggest lesson I have learned lately is that most of the pain I have held in my heart for what "happened" (whichever "what" I'm on at the moment) is the pain I felt when it happened. Not the pain I would feel now. Basically, when I ran into an adult that caused me some kind of pain/shame/whatever when we were kids, I would still feel like I did AS a child. As I started a forgiveness journal I realized why things happened, and how, if you really think about it, I am the only one that has been holding on to this, and its got to go. Bury the dead. They stink up the place.
I had a very dear friend of mine, who I will refer to from here on out as my LC (Life Coach) break some things down for me. Things that are common sense, but that I wished I had learned years ago. Her own trials and tribulations have brought her to a place where she can say anything she wants to me, and not get punched.
I was telling her about how I believe you reap what you sow. But I didn't understand why I had reaped so much crap from a situation when I did everything I knew how, over and over, to keep the peace and be fair. She said to me, "MB, have you ever thought about your motive behind your wanting to keep peace and be fair. Was it a good motive or bad?" Well, Bloggie, that shut me the hell up! I have thought about it, and thought about it. And as I do, I find that each time, I come back to the heartfelt feeling that I was sincere, and only wanted the same treatment in return. BUT... even as I typed that, a little voice said.. are you sure? You sure you weren't after something? So.. needless to say, I am still working on that one. And thank you LC for pointing that out to me.
As my journey continues I realize that I have allowed things from my past to shape the person I am INSIDE. I did not realize till just recently that deep down inside, I felt as if I did not deserve any better than what I had, or what I got. I would never amount to much except a bag of hot air.
Bullshit.
I have not only been cleaning house on the inside, I have been literally CLEANING HOUSE. I am ridding myself, my home, my LIFE of unwanted clutter. All the pain and sadness, resentment, anger... all of that crap was keeping my heart and soul cluttered. As it has started to leave me, I am looking around my house at stuff I have on the walls, and sitting around, that I settled on because I wanted something else that I didn't think I could ever have, or that I ever WOULD HAVE.
I started taking stuff down, donating stuff, selling stuff, and giving stuff away. Its amazing how good you feel when you do that! I am no where near done, but I have started, and that is the first step.
When I say there are things I have wanted, what I mean is there are things that I love when I see them at someone elses home. Like a fireplace. Or a kitchen island. Or an English garden in their front yard... Or....to be exact... a red door.
I have always wanted my front door to be painted red. Not because I think I am Elizabeth Arden, but because a red door has always said "Somebody" lives there to me. Now, yes yes yes I know I am "somebody" but you know what I mean. I have ALWAYS wanted a red door. But I couldn't have one. Why you ask?? Well, I don't know why. No one ever really told me I couldn't have one. But deep in my heart I knew I would never be able to have a red door.
And again I say: Bullshit.
As I type, the primer is drying on my front door. By tonight, my door will be Apple Red, and it will say... "SOMEBODY AND THEIR SOMEBODY FAMILY LIVES IN THIS HOUSE!!!"
And "They" do!
Until later...
MB
Of course I have been doing the dance of change, change, change... like always. Working, changing, knitting, changing, eating, changing... I am in a constant state of "change". But things seldom do..
Since April, there have been a LOT of changes happening around me. I have been slowly changing without trying to focus on the actual ACT of changing.
OK, I know I have probably lost you already, so let me explain myself to you...
I was at my brothers house celebrating my mothers birthday. We were out on his deck, and behind his house is woods. Most people if asked, would say that what they see when they look out, is trees. (Because he has A LOT of them.) I myself don't see trees. Well, I do, but that's not all. I see the wind moving the branches, I see the grass, I see the fence, I see birds, and their horses - well you get the picture. I have a hard time looking and picking one thing that I see. That's how my brain works. Sometimes its one of the most magical things... seeing colors, and getting excited about the smallest thing God has created. Other times it is exhausting. Wearing and tearing my mind down. I want to scream "Can I not just have one day when I can choose the first thing that comes to mind and STICK WITH THAT for more than 3 seconds??????"
So, there actually HAVE been some changes going on in my life. Some I am doing, and some have happened upon me. One thing, is that I have been on a journey of self discovery.
That has taken me to forgiving people/things/circumstances and myself, and finally being freed of so much of the pain that has been inside of me for so long. Its amazing how if you take the time to break things down to the basics, how you see things differently. I guess the biggest lesson I have learned lately is that most of the pain I have held in my heart for what "happened" (whichever "what" I'm on at the moment) is the pain I felt when it happened. Not the pain I would feel now. Basically, when I ran into an adult that caused me some kind of pain/shame/whatever when we were kids, I would still feel like I did AS a child. As I started a forgiveness journal I realized why things happened, and how, if you really think about it, I am the only one that has been holding on to this, and its got to go. Bury the dead. They stink up the place.
I had a very dear friend of mine, who I will refer to from here on out as my LC (Life Coach) break some things down for me. Things that are common sense, but that I wished I had learned years ago. Her own trials and tribulations have brought her to a place where she can say anything she wants to me, and not get punched.
I was telling her about how I believe you reap what you sow. But I didn't understand why I had reaped so much crap from a situation when I did everything I knew how, over and over, to keep the peace and be fair. She said to me, "MB, have you ever thought about your motive behind your wanting to keep peace and be fair. Was it a good motive or bad?" Well, Bloggie, that shut me the hell up! I have thought about it, and thought about it. And as I do, I find that each time, I come back to the heartfelt feeling that I was sincere, and only wanted the same treatment in return. BUT... even as I typed that, a little voice said.. are you sure? You sure you weren't after something? So.. needless to say, I am still working on that one. And thank you LC for pointing that out to me.
As my journey continues I realize that I have allowed things from my past to shape the person I am INSIDE. I did not realize till just recently that deep down inside, I felt as if I did not deserve any better than what I had, or what I got. I would never amount to much except a bag of hot air.
Bullshit.
I have not only been cleaning house on the inside, I have been literally CLEANING HOUSE. I am ridding myself, my home, my LIFE of unwanted clutter. All the pain and sadness, resentment, anger... all of that crap was keeping my heart and soul cluttered. As it has started to leave me, I am looking around my house at stuff I have on the walls, and sitting around, that I settled on because I wanted something else that I didn't think I could ever have, or that I ever WOULD HAVE.
I started taking stuff down, donating stuff, selling stuff, and giving stuff away. Its amazing how good you feel when you do that! I am no where near done, but I have started, and that is the first step.
When I say there are things I have wanted, what I mean is there are things that I love when I see them at someone elses home. Like a fireplace. Or a kitchen island. Or an English garden in their front yard... Or....to be exact... a red door.
I have always wanted my front door to be painted red. Not because I think I am Elizabeth Arden, but because a red door has always said "Somebody" lives there to me. Now, yes yes yes I know I am "somebody" but you know what I mean. I have ALWAYS wanted a red door. But I couldn't have one. Why you ask?? Well, I don't know why. No one ever really told me I couldn't have one. But deep in my heart I knew I would never be able to have a red door.
And again I say: Bullshit.
As I type, the primer is drying on my front door. By tonight, my door will be Apple Red, and it will say... "SOMEBODY AND THEIR SOMEBODY FAMILY LIVES IN THIS HOUSE!!!"
And "They" do!
Until later...
MB
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Round and Round the Coffee Cup....
Dear Bloggie,
Today is going to be full of "Doings" and "Ohhh I want to Do that's!!" I am UP, and about to take my son to test at Gateway. I really AM procrastinating about doing this because I despise going up there. In case you don't know dearest Bloggie, Gateway is a school. You can actually GO to school there, Campus school, you can use them as an Umbrella School to do home school, or you can do what we do, The Extension Program, where we do all the work at home, but we go to the school to test and tutor.
The best thing about doing The Extension Program is that if you feel you are not "smart enough" to home school your kids, you have teachers there to help you out. Most of the time we are smart enough, we just don't have any faith in ourselves.
So, I really really REALLY hate going up there. Many people choose it so they are in control of what their kids learn... others choose it because their children have been kicked out of regular school and have no choice but to take them there... (NOTE: I saved this as a draft to finish when I got home, and got distracted, *imagine that*, and just now picked back up...however - please note how the tone starts to change as something happened to alter my opinion.)
Like I was saying... Some kids have been kicked out of any/all public school by the courts, and by law they have to attend school, so they go to Gateway. So, I get hives just thinking about going up there. Why you wonder? Well, because so many of these kids are up there doing everything they can to prove to the other kids that they CAN and WILL push every single limit they can. I watch these kids talk to adults like shit! (pardon my potty mouth!) They break every rule they can so they can show the other kids how tough they really are.
My daddy used to have this saying: "They make me so mad it makes my hand itch to slap them." *sigh* I know just what he's talking about! I look over at my kids, and I can read their minds. Nathan's thinking: Shoooot... mom would kill me. Ellen's thinking: She would even know if I was THINKING about doing something like that.
So... as I went yesterday prepared to sit in judgement on all these kids that act so bad, I took my knitting to keep me busy. I was knitting a hat for my God-Bean who's due in December. I am sitting with the SB in the very last row... dead center and there are a group of girls right down the row from us talking about where they went to when they ran away. How bad they cussed their parents, etc. And I am sitting there knitting. Taking it all in... wondering if they would be so tough if mom and dad were sitting there. Thinking, uh huh.... If they were mine I woul.. Wait, one spoke to me. What did she say??? I said, "Im sorry??" She said, what are you making?? A hat??" I smiled and said, "I sure am" I am knitting in the round, and making a hat that will roll up instead of having an elastic like edge." She looked at the "mean girls" and said, "hey look what shes doing!"
Now, I got ready to go up there for once. I did the whole hair and makeup thing, I dressed like I am a professional stylist, and this is what I got for taking the time to look the part.. (which I hardly ever do btw when I am off work) I heard, "Wow, I love your hair. Is that a tatoo?? What does it say?? Man I would love to do that!"
In the next few moments I was giving the girls my number and telling them if they wanted to learn to knit I would teach them. We could meet on Tuesdays after they test for like an hour somewhere there at the school. I realized that I am NOT their mom or dad, I am NOT anyone but someone they thought seemed cool, looked cool and IS cool. That means, I can have an influence on these girls. And if they will let me in to their little world for an hour a week, I plan to make the most of it.
Its funny how I sat in judgement about things that I had forgotten I had done myself. How many times did I talk big about how I acted at home, but in reality, I knew better. My parents believed in the art of Foot2ass, and they were proficient in it!
Its another one of those times when I am glad the good Lord allowed my eyes to be opened to whats really going on, and instead of sticking my nose in the air and being holier than thou.. I planted a seed.
Now, I am going to sit back and wait to see if any of them call or text me. We will see!
Until later...
MB
Today is going to be full of "Doings" and "Ohhh I want to Do that's!!" I am UP, and about to take my son to test at Gateway. I really AM procrastinating about doing this because I despise going up there. In case you don't know dearest Bloggie, Gateway is a school. You can actually GO to school there, Campus school, you can use them as an Umbrella School to do home school, or you can do what we do, The Extension Program, where we do all the work at home, but we go to the school to test and tutor.
The best thing about doing The Extension Program is that if you feel you are not "smart enough" to home school your kids, you have teachers there to help you out. Most of the time we are smart enough, we just don't have any faith in ourselves.
So, I really really REALLY hate going up there. Many people choose it so they are in control of what their kids learn... others choose it because their children have been kicked out of regular school and have no choice but to take them there... (NOTE: I saved this as a draft to finish when I got home, and got distracted, *imagine that*, and just now picked back up...however - please note how the tone starts to change as something happened to alter my opinion.)
Like I was saying... Some kids have been kicked out of any/all public school by the courts, and by law they have to attend school, so they go to Gateway. So, I get hives just thinking about going up there. Why you wonder? Well, because so many of these kids are up there doing everything they can to prove to the other kids that they CAN and WILL push every single limit they can. I watch these kids talk to adults like shit! (pardon my potty mouth!) They break every rule they can so they can show the other kids how tough they really are.
My daddy used to have this saying: "They make me so mad it makes my hand itch to slap them." *sigh* I know just what he's talking about! I look over at my kids, and I can read their minds. Nathan's thinking: Shoooot... mom would kill me. Ellen's thinking: She would even know if I was THINKING about doing something like that.
So... as I went yesterday prepared to sit in judgement on all these kids that act so bad, I took my knitting to keep me busy. I was knitting a hat for my God-Bean who's due in December. I am sitting with the SB in the very last row... dead center and there are a group of girls right down the row from us talking about where they went to when they ran away. How bad they cussed their parents, etc. And I am sitting there knitting. Taking it all in... wondering if they would be so tough if mom and dad were sitting there. Thinking, uh huh.... If they were mine I woul.. Wait, one spoke to me. What did she say??? I said, "Im sorry??" She said, what are you making?? A hat??" I smiled and said, "I sure am" I am knitting in the round, and making a hat that will roll up instead of having an elastic like edge." She looked at the "mean girls" and said, "hey look what shes doing!"
Now, I got ready to go up there for once. I did the whole hair and makeup thing, I dressed like I am a professional stylist, and this is what I got for taking the time to look the part.. (which I hardly ever do btw when I am off work) I heard, "Wow, I love your hair. Is that a tatoo?? What does it say?? Man I would love to do that!"
In the next few moments I was giving the girls my number and telling them if they wanted to learn to knit I would teach them. We could meet on Tuesdays after they test for like an hour somewhere there at the school. I realized that I am NOT their mom or dad, I am NOT anyone but someone they thought seemed cool, looked cool and IS cool. That means, I can have an influence on these girls. And if they will let me in to their little world for an hour a week, I plan to make the most of it.
Its funny how I sat in judgement about things that I had forgotten I had done myself. How many times did I talk big about how I acted at home, but in reality, I knew better. My parents believed in the art of Foot2ass, and they were proficient in it!
Its another one of those times when I am glad the good Lord allowed my eyes to be opened to whats really going on, and instead of sticking my nose in the air and being holier than thou.. I planted a seed.
Now, I am going to sit back and wait to see if any of them call or text me. We will see!
Until later...
MB
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Ugggghhhhh
Dear Bloggie,
This is a sluggish kind of morning. Most mornings my brain is going so fast that I wind up meeting myself in a turn, but once in a while, my mind is like walking though thick knee deep mud. I need an espresso IV. The really sad thing is, when I least expect it, I will jump into high gear, and scare the crap outta myself!
So, I'm going to drink a pot or two of coffee, and try to jump start this day. This may seem like a waste of web space, but I just needed to document that there are days when my brain is in under drive! LOL
Until I'm more with it...
MB
This is a sluggish kind of morning. Most mornings my brain is going so fast that I wind up meeting myself in a turn, but once in a while, my mind is like walking though thick knee deep mud. I need an espresso IV. The really sad thing is, when I least expect it, I will jump into high gear, and scare the crap outta myself!
So, I'm going to drink a pot or two of coffee, and try to jump start this day. This may seem like a waste of web space, but I just needed to document that there are days when my brain is in under drive! LOL
Until I'm more with it...
MB
Thursday, October 27, 2011
4 Days of Procrastination
Dearest Darling Bloggie,
I know I swore on the DSL Gods that I would not forsake you and keep up with blogging, but this time, I actually have a real honest to God excuse! (not the kind I make up in a pinch so I don't look TOO irresponsible...)
I set a goal to do some serious organizing with our finances this past weekend. (Our weekends are usually Tuesday and Wed) I happened to be off Sunday and Monday too! Let me tell you the HIGHS and lows of the goals I set.
I planned to organize my bills and get my checkbook in order like NORMAL people do, instead of flying by the seat of my pants.
As I was gathering my paperwork together, I remembered that I needed to go though all this paperwork in my filing cabinet and organize it into a file box, and just throw away things I did not need. I needed to be able to go straight to the box and find the car title, or the insurance information.
So, I started there. I shredded an entire lawn bag full of paper work. (Well Ellen Sue did. I organized every scrap of paper I had. Emptied the filing cabinet, and had the kids put it in the van so I could give it to a lady at work.
I did succeed in putting bills and coupons together... just not writing them down.
As I was taking a break and knitting... I was thinking about how good it felt to do that. To really, truly organize! So... that led to the following:
1. Organizing my desk, and pulling out the cabinet and cleaning behind it, and knocking off my modem and tearing it up, thus causing me to be without internet for 1 1/2 days, in which time I decided it would suck if I had to blog from my iPhone..
2. That led to me saying.. ohhh all that craft stuff.. I went though container after container of craft things that I had bought over the years. I had duplicates and triplicates of so many things because of disorganization. I separated everything, and threw away things I was holding on to that I would "do" one day even though I would never get around to it.. I fixed 2 boxes FULL of crafts that I have no intention of ever doing anything with, and listed them on Craigslist. One has already sold! *hayyyyyyyyyyyy!*
3. THAT led to me moving an antique chifferobe into my living room to store all my yarn, needles, crafting supplies that I plan to keep.
4. THEN I realized that I needed something new to eat on my Weight Watchers. So I decided to make AND give away some Pumpkin Butter.
Notice not one time do I mention organizing my bills. I am half way miffed at myself for not getting it done, but I am STOKED over the fact that I organized so much stuff and now have it in one spot! That is a miracle in itself!
Now, I have to go Bloggie, because I have to get ready for work, and I have been procrastinating doing that by sitting here and playing on the computer for hours. *eye roll*
Until later...
MB
I know I swore on the DSL Gods that I would not forsake you and keep up with blogging, but this time, I actually have a real honest to God excuse! (not the kind I make up in a pinch so I don't look TOO irresponsible...)
I set a goal to do some serious organizing with our finances this past weekend. (Our weekends are usually Tuesday and Wed) I happened to be off Sunday and Monday too! Let me tell you the HIGHS and lows of the goals I set.
I planned to organize my bills and get my checkbook in order like NORMAL people do, instead of flying by the seat of my pants.
As I was gathering my paperwork together, I remembered that I needed to go though all this paperwork in my filing cabinet and organize it into a file box, and just throw away things I did not need. I needed to be able to go straight to the box and find the car title, or the insurance information.
So, I started there. I shredded an entire lawn bag full of paper work. (Well Ellen Sue did. I organized every scrap of paper I had. Emptied the filing cabinet, and had the kids put it in the van so I could give it to a lady at work.
I did succeed in putting bills and coupons together... just not writing them down.
As I was taking a break and knitting... I was thinking about how good it felt to do that. To really, truly organize! So... that led to the following:
1. Organizing my desk, and pulling out the cabinet and cleaning behind it, and knocking off my modem and tearing it up, thus causing me to be without internet for 1 1/2 days, in which time I decided it would suck if I had to blog from my iPhone..
2. That led to me saying.. ohhh all that craft stuff.. I went though container after container of craft things that I had bought over the years. I had duplicates and triplicates of so many things because of disorganization. I separated everything, and threw away things I was holding on to that I would "do" one day even though I would never get around to it.. I fixed 2 boxes FULL of crafts that I have no intention of ever doing anything with, and listed them on Craigslist. One has already sold! *hayyyyyyyyyyyy!*
3. THAT led to me moving an antique chifferobe into my living room to store all my yarn, needles, crafting supplies that I plan to keep.
4. THEN I realized that I needed something new to eat on my Weight Watchers. So I decided to make AND give away some Pumpkin Butter.
Notice not one time do I mention organizing my bills. I am half way miffed at myself for not getting it done, but I am STOKED over the fact that I organized so much stuff and now have it in one spot! That is a miracle in itself!
Now, I have to go Bloggie, because I have to get ready for work, and I have been procrastinating doing that by sitting here and playing on the computer for hours. *eye roll*
Until later...
MB
Blogs from My Old Blog "It's B's Life"
I had started another blog at one point that I did not follow though on.. (Imagine that!) and I decided to take the 2 postings that I loved the most and share here. I hope you enjoy! IN THE RUINS OF MY HISTORY Tonight I stood in the ruins of my grandfathers shop. He had built this building himself from the ground up. It was a mysterious place, that had a MASTER lock on both doors, the small door to walk though, the the extra wide door that he parked Betsy in. Betsy was his riding lawn mower. Lord, you did NOT go in there and expect to mess with anything! It was clean, orderly, and according to him, extremely dangerous!!!! After all, he had hammers, saws, hoes, poison that he would mix up to dip the dogs in, his tiller, you name it, and us kids...would be half dead if we dared go in there and touched a thing! He tried to tell us it was because he had all that "dangerous stuff" in there, but we knew we would be half dead because he would beat us within an inch of our lives! My Paw Paw (as we called him) passed away in 1983. His shop stood as a proud reminder of how he kept things. My Nannie kept his things in place, and would have no one get to far away from her with those keys to the MASTER lock. We lost my Nannie in 1988, and not long after my parents moved into their house. My Paw Paws shop then became my daddy's shop. Now, my daddy was a good man, but orderly he was not. He probably had all his lures lined up according to size, but that shop... that was another story. He had stuff EVERYWHERE! But....that was how daddy did it. He knew where everything was! I lost my daddy in 2000. He dropped dead at work just 2 months shy of retiring. Since 2000. no one has really used the shop for anything. His fishing things long gone, and the lawn mower long since stopped running, it just existed there, holding all kinds of left over things from my dad and my Paw Paws tenure as owners of the shop. I knew the shop was in bad shape, I knew that the ceiling had a leak, and one side was sorta rotted out... and to be honest, I knew it should probably be torn down, but I haven't been ready to face it. I had to go up there tonight and get some things out of there. It wont be long now until it will be pushed over and all hauled away. I looked at how the ceiling didn't only have a leak, half of it was missing.. The entire back half had begun to collapse onto itself.. Everything in it was dirty, dusty, and covered in leafs. I got the stuff I needed, and then try as I might, the one thing I wanted more than anything else I couldn't find. I stood still and took in deep breaths...but it was gone. The scent of the shop had gone by the way of the holes from top to bottom. That scent said my Paw Paw had worked hard in his garden, or my daddy had just come back from fishing. The scent that I could step out there and breathe in, and close my eyes and just know they were standing beside me.. it was there no longer... All there was left was the ruin of what was. No order, no fishing gear, no shop smell.. just dirt and damp. Another chapter closed in my memories of what once was. --MB | 1 c |
THE DEFINITION OF FAITH
Tonight on Facebook, I asked again about any information on Jamie Bowden, who is fighting for his life against cancer. (I had posted the same thing earlier this morning but wanted to put it back up top of the news feed.) I had not heard anything new, but I got an instant message from a very wonderful lady asking who Jamie was and what was wrong with him. I explained who he was, and what I knew about his condition, which isn't much, and I asked her to just keep him in her prayers. She told me that she would, and that she would have her boys pray, that they were prayer warriors. Suddenly I had an epiphany. Just as she typed those words out to me, I could see her children as little angels, before they were born.... You see... According to Dictionary.com, Faith is the following: Faith- (Noun) [feyth] confidence or trust in a person or thing; belief that is not based on proof; belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion; belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc; the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.. OK, there's more, but you get the picture. Faith. I can not tell you how many times faith has brought me though.. My faith in God, my faith in myself, my faith in my family... Maybe its the odd way my brain works, I don't really know, but I tend to rationalize things to make myself feel better about them. Especially when there is no reason at all to explain away what has happened, or what is about to happen, or what might happen. You see, no matter what you believe in...be it Christianity, Buddhism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism, Judaism, or maybe you are the Starbucksism with a pack of Cigaretteism and think that this world and this life is all you have and that's that-ism.... Regardless... I bet you have faith. In some shape form or fashion. When she told me that her boys were prayer warriors, I knew just what she meant. And all I could think of was to only once again have the blind faith of a child... and why is it that children have such blind faith? And my epiphany was this.... And this my friends, is MY epiphany, you don't have to agree with it, but its how I do look at things..... Before those boys were born, they were some of Gods Angels...They were born with blind faith in God. Their parents have raised them in church, with prayer, love, teaching and guidance... And everyday those boys have "blind faith" that is becoming "Seeing faith!" It is because they have never known anything other than God that they have pure faith in Him, and therefore, they have seen their prayers answered because they have prayed the way God has told all of us to pray, (Mark 11:24; (NIV) Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.) Faith. What a wonderful thing. No matter who or what you believe in, if you have no faith... well I just cannot imagine... what a cold and sad thing to even try to imagine. I fear that Jamie's chapter in this world is about to come to an end. I hardly know Jamie, but I did go to school with his sweet sister Shari, and a lot of his friends... Tonight, like last night and tomorrow and beyond, I have the faith that MY GOD is a caring and loving God. In my faith....I believe that even though we are seeing Jamie suffer, that Jamie is not truly suffering because his angel has taken over. The pain we see, will never be remembered by Jamie. He will soar with the Eagles and the Angels! That is my faith, blind and all seeing! To have that to hold on to, keeps me grounded, and gives me the strength to get up in the morning. "Go rest high upon that mountain, son your work on Earth is done, go to Heaven a shoutin'. love for The Father, and The Son". --Vince Gill |
Monday, October 24, 2011
Good Morning Monday!
Dear Bloggie,
Like most days, I find myself excited to be alive and churning with ideas for the day, the month, the rest of my life! The coffee is really good today, and I am planning to make a list of things to do. Hmmm, perhaps I should make a list of things I need to make a list of so I don't forget to make a to-do list. Oh well, on with my story...
I must admit that I have had some "light" dawning on the darkness moments lately. There are very few times that what pops into my mind is not known to everyone in hearing distance. (Or seeing distance being that I am told I do NOT have a poker face!) But thankfully, somehow, I have managed to hide SOME of the excitement when I "get it"! You know, I finally understand why something or someone is the way they are?? Or why I do something, or don't do something and how to fix it, etc... Anyway, its an exciting thing to have happen to me. At times I am afraid to share with anyone what has just "dawned" on me for fear that they will look at me and say "Well, DUH!" Yet, I am also afraid NOT to share because I want the world to know that I am not habitually sluggish, I am actually mentally overwhelmed!
One major thing that happened yesterday is that my Sweet Baboo (from here on out known as SB) and I were watching CBS's "Sunday Morning" and there was a story on about Luma Mufleh and how a wrong turn changed her life. It didn't just change her life, it changed the life for so many war torn children that have become refugees in our country.
Both me and the SB were in tears as we watched all Luma had/has accomplished. This is a direct link to the Fugees site! (it's so worth your time) A soccer game, turned into a school -- a way of life. As we were watching SB said "Look at these kids, and look at our bucket headed kids" He shook his head in a "where have we gone wrong" type of way. *sound of light dawning on MB's mind* Luma had just said in the interview, "I must lead by example.." I looked at my SB and told him that we should be ashamed of ourselves. How can our kids pick up their stuff if we don't. How can our kids follow though if we don't. We lead by example. And we have not been leading anything or anyone. I can blame it on others, or other things, but it is up to me to gain some control over this runaway mind. (Apple DOES make an App for that!) It's up to me to get into a routine.. Me. (taking a good look at yourself sucks sometimes)
As of late, I have been making little changes here and there. I have noticed that the people around me are following suit. At work I have been dressing like a girl. Now you may think thats crazy since I AM a girl, but I am just not foofooey like that. If I dressed and looked like what most people think I should since I cut hair the way I do, I would be uber hot! But, truth be known, I just am not foofooey. (Now I may look like I just crawled outta bed when you see me, but I bet you anything my lips are slathered with some bright color!) Anyway, I noticed some of the ladies I work with, starting to do little different things. I am in no way saying I am a trend setter, but I think when they saw me try something new that was very forgien to me, and I was actually COMFORTABLE with it, (imagine that!) they seemed to want to try something new too.
I also noticed that the more I do at home, the more my family does. WithOUT me asking.
It is my wish that I wake up one day, and be a combo of June Cleaver, Martha Stewart and "Roseann Conner", but with my really cool silver streaks!
Have a great day Bloggie. I would promise to talk tomorrow, but something might float by my eye and distract me... so until we talk again.....
MB
Like most days, I find myself excited to be alive and churning with ideas for the day, the month, the rest of my life! The coffee is really good today, and I am planning to make a list of things to do. Hmmm, perhaps I should make a list of things I need to make a list of so I don't forget to make a to-do list. Oh well, on with my story...
I must admit that I have had some "light" dawning on the darkness moments lately. There are very few times that what pops into my mind is not known to everyone in hearing distance. (Or seeing distance being that I am told I do NOT have a poker face!) But thankfully, somehow, I have managed to hide SOME of the excitement when I "get it"! You know, I finally understand why something or someone is the way they are?? Or why I do something, or don't do something and how to fix it, etc... Anyway, its an exciting thing to have happen to me. At times I am afraid to share with anyone what has just "dawned" on me for fear that they will look at me and say "Well, DUH!" Yet, I am also afraid NOT to share because I want the world to know that I am not habitually sluggish, I am actually mentally overwhelmed!
One major thing that happened yesterday is that my Sweet Baboo (from here on out known as SB) and I were watching CBS's "Sunday Morning" and there was a story on about Luma Mufleh and how a wrong turn changed her life. It didn't just change her life, it changed the life for so many war torn children that have become refugees in our country.
Both me and the SB were in tears as we watched all Luma had/has accomplished. This is a direct link to the Fugees site! (it's so worth your time) A soccer game, turned into a school -- a way of life. As we were watching SB said "Look at these kids, and look at our bucket headed kids" He shook his head in a "where have we gone wrong" type of way. *sound of light dawning on MB's mind* Luma had just said in the interview, "I must lead by example.." I looked at my SB and told him that we should be ashamed of ourselves. How can our kids pick up their stuff if we don't. How can our kids follow though if we don't. We lead by example. And we have not been leading anything or anyone. I can blame it on others, or other things, but it is up to me to gain some control over this runaway mind. (Apple DOES make an App for that!) It's up to me to get into a routine.. Me. (taking a good look at yourself sucks sometimes)
As of late, I have been making little changes here and there. I have noticed that the people around me are following suit. At work I have been dressing like a girl. Now you may think thats crazy since I AM a girl, but I am just not foofooey like that. If I dressed and looked like what most people think I should since I cut hair the way I do, I would be uber hot! But, truth be known, I just am not foofooey. (Now I may look like I just crawled outta bed when you see me, but I bet you anything my lips are slathered with some bright color!) Anyway, I noticed some of the ladies I work with, starting to do little different things. I am in no way saying I am a trend setter, but I think when they saw me try something new that was very forgien to me, and I was actually COMFORTABLE with it, (imagine that!) they seemed to want to try something new too.
I also noticed that the more I do at home, the more my family does. WithOUT me asking.
It is my wish that I wake up one day, and be a combo of June Cleaver, Martha Stewart and "Roseann Conner", but with my really cool silver streaks!
Have a great day Bloggie. I would promise to talk tomorrow, but something might float by my eye and distract me... so until we talk again.....
MB
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